I am sorry

Writing about

Suppose someone gave you a pen -- a sealed, solid coloured pen.

You couldn't see how much ink it had. it might run dry after the first few tentative words or last just long enough to create a mesterpiece or several, that would last forever and make a difference in the scheme of things. you dont know before you begin.

Under the rules of the game, you really never know. you have to take a chance!

Actually, no rule of the game states you MUST do anything. Instead of picking up and using the pen, you could leave it on a shelf or in a drawr where it will dry up, unused.

But if you do decide to use it, what would you do with it? how would you play the game?

Would you plan and plan before you ever wrote a word? Would your plans be so extensive that you never even got to the writing?

Or would you take the pen in hand, plunge right in and just do it, struggling to keep up with the twists and turns of the torrents of words that take you where they take you?

Would you write cautiously and carefully, as if the pen might run dry the next moment, or would you pretend or believe (or pretend to believe) that the pen will write forever and proceed accordingly?

And of what would you write : of love? hate? fun? misery? life? death? nothing? everything?

Would you write just to please yourself? or others? or yourself by writing for others?

Would your strokes be tremblingly timid or brilliantly bold? Fancy with a flourish or plain?

Would you even write? once you have the pen, no rule says you have tow rite. would you sketch? scribble? doodle or draw?

Would you stay in or on the lines, or see no lines at all even if they were there? or are they?

There's alot to think about here, isn't there?

Now, suppose someone gave you a life...

Invictus

It has been a while since I blogged. I guess blogging is a channel for me to express my built up inner feelings, therefore I don't always blog...

I just watched a movie yesterday. Invictus. A movie with a blend of the aftermath of apartheid and rugby in South Africa. What struck me the most was the poem Invictus. Nelson Mandela was in jail, on an island for 27 years. His life was horrible, and he had every reason to give up on anything to achieve. However it was Invictus that kept him going.

I won't recite the whole poem here, but just the last two lines.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Two simple lines with simple words. It got Mandela through the 27 years.

Following his election as president, he wanted to build a 'rainbow nation', where white and black South Africans will live in harmony. He suffered for 27 years and yet he was willing to forgive the white people who put him in jail and seek their help in rebuilding the country. That is a very respectable attitude.

I won't go into the details of the movie. The thought that the movie left me was 'If someone suffered for 27 years and yet was willing to forgive and fight for a better life, what gives me the right to hold grudges and give up on anyone and anything?'

The person I look up to will always be my father. Nelson Mandela is a close second.

Seek inspiration from within yourself. Be inspiration.

Past, Present, Future of EHOME

This is a Dota post so, if you have zero interest no point reading.

I posted this on Playdota.com! Go support me thanks!

http://www.playdota.com/forums/294422/past-present-future--ehome/

Anyways.

EHOME is without a doubt China's most historical Dota team. Its history is full of ups and downs, with its highs such as winning WCG in a few years back, SMM in 08 (not sure about the year), ESWC in 2010.

With all these honors, the question is, how does EHOME stay at the top? They don't.

What people unfamiliar with EHOME is that it has been through so much struggles throughout their history. EHOME used to have the best possible team ever. Seriously.

EHOME.2009

EHOME.DC

EHOME.SNOY

EHOME.longdd

EHOME.GK

Some new to the Dota scene might wonder, who are some of these people? Well I can assure you that if you ask the Chinese people, they will know who are these gods.

In fact, several are still active today. Longdd is without a doubt China's double edge blade. When he is great, he is unstoppable. One can recall how he will be able to farm up his DK in seemingly impossible games, and turn the tide completely. There is of course his POTM. I recall games where he will roam and his arrows will terrorize the enemies.

Who can forget GK, the god of beastmaster. Armed with his ever perceptive ganking abilities he will penetrate the defenses of enemies and destroy their defense strategies. Some might argue that it is EHOME.X!!! (a player from a later era) that started the whole Lion frenzy, but it was GK that discovered the potential of Lion. His thoughts are still heard as he occasionally blogs about his thoughts about the Dota scene.

When we talk about Snoy, or affectionately referred to as Sony by the Chinese, one can never forget his Bristleback. He basically single handedly won WCG08 with this hero, and showcased his insane positioning. Another player FearDarkness also had much success with the hero, and it is hard to argue who is better. But the ganking abilities that Snoy provide with his Ogre Magi as well as his great Viper was certainly inspirational.

I am sure many of you are familiar with 2009. He was the captain of the extremely successful lgd.sGty, and he discovered talents such as ZSMJ and YYF. However, it is his previous years in EHOME that made him worshipped by players. Back in those days, 2009 was known for his love for the Hand of Midas when playing SF. I do not know much about him back then, but I am sure his recent successes such as SMM09 and more has made him internationally known.

Lastly, we have DC. If there was a support god, it would be fought between DC, dgc and 820. If there was a talking contest, DC will rape them. His influence as a coach for EHOME in ESWC2010 is undeniable, resulting in players from LOST referring to DC as a 'cheatbook'. I will not discuss the issue here, but the point being made is his deep knowledge of Dota. His supporting plays for the other players has enabled the others to shine. Not forgetting his trademark Weaver, he shows that he can succeed any role in the team. But having him as a support was one main reason to the success of EHOME back then. I would go so far as to say that any of the other players could be replaced, but replacing DC will simply destroy their foundation. (This statement is not intended to insult the other great players, but to highlight DC's influence)

The success of this team was then shattered with several issues. Following the retirement of 2009 due to his studies, EHOME was in jeopardy. Players began to discuss possible replacements, and it was obvious that players 820 and 357 from CANT, another successful Chinese team can fill in the gap. EHOME have been huge admirers of both players. However, with only 5 spots and 6 players, one would have to leave. It was Longdd that left and went to CANT.

From this point onwards, EHOME's faced much setbacks. They no longer had the same 'aura'. EHOME was defeatable, and opponents were able to tear them apart. EHOME was unable to function like it used to, and the retirement of DC and SNOY certainly did not help.

During this period of time, there were many changes to the team roster and the team added two players that were unknown: Dai and Ronaldo. Both players had great success and are extremely famous in another popular Chinese game with some similarities to Dota, 真三. It was predicted that they would be hugely successful in Dota.

However that was not the case. EHOME continued to play horribly, and after a short period of time, EHOME and ronaldo went separate ways. Dai was widely expected to leave, but it was decided to give him a second chance. A famous supporter Dgc from former rivals 7L (disbanded) then completed the roster of EHOME: 820, 357, GK, Dai, Dgc.

EHOME began to find some of their lost momentum, and began to show improvement. Despite this, Dgc left the team. Many commented that despite EHOME improving, Dgc was unable to fit in with the team well enough. It was during this period of time that the last member of the 'golden era' GK decided to retire. Many was saddened by this news as he represents the last link to their former glory. EHOME is set to be an entirely new team from the past.

After some time, EHOME was finally complete with these five players:

EHOME.820 (Carry)

EHOME.357 (Support)

EHOME.Dai (2nd Carry)

EHOME.King_J (Gank/Support)

EHOME.Burning (Gank/Support)

Many will know all of these players because they are the champions of the recent ESWC2010. However, when this team was just formed they were not successful at all. They were faced with criticism by many, even from supporters from EHOME. Dai was deemed to be not showing potential at all just like ronaldo previously did not. King_J was said to be a mediocre player, and Burning criticized as lacking synergy with the team and lacking map awareness.

Furthermore, the success of lgd.sGty by former EHOME player 2009 who has made a comeback further pressured EHOME and many supporters changed sides. During that time, lgd was seemingly invincible, and ESWC qualifiers were coming up.

EHOME decided to take a gamble. Player roles were changed.

820 changed from carry to support.

357 changed from support to semi-carry/gank.

Dai changed from 2nd carry to gank.

King_J changed from gank/support to semi-carry/gank.

Burning changed from gank/support to carry.

The change was deemed to be an outrage. 820 was one of the best carries in China, and yet he is now a supporter? All players with different roles were said to be doomed, much less qualify for ESWC. Several weeks before the qualifiers, EHOME continued to experience inconsistent performances, but not being able to beat lgd.sGty. When they did, it was not convincing to the public.

It was during ESWC qualifiers that we see a resurgent EHOME. People began to see EHOME being able to fight as a team after so long, and there were glimpses of the previous successful era. During the first game in the qualifier against the tough CH (With former EHOME players Longdd and Dgc), EHOME was able to comeback against an owning SF by SF god Pis and the crazy farmed Void by Longdd. I would recommend this replay as it shows how EHOME's players played with synergy whilst at a disadvantage, were able to work as a team to counter the strategies by CH.

Following the win over CH, they faced their biggest enemies, lgd.sGty. lgd was widely tipped to win the qualifiers and represent China in ESWC. However that was not the case. The game was not very memorable for me, but I recall how I began to see EHOME in a new perspective. EHOME was no longer the lost team in the shadow of their past glory.

EHOME won the qualifiers, and went on to the ESWC. Famous players and teams attended, and I can say without a doubt that EHOME was the show. Without losing a single set, EHOME clinched the championship. It was at that moment that people began to realize just how strong Chinese Dota is.

Throughout this whole history, another person that is worth mentioning is EHOME.71, the manager. He has been through thick and thin with EHOME, and is definitely a driving force. His spirit is very much respected.

I talk about this journey not as a means to insult anyone, or to say China/Asia Dota is better, but to show you how despite so many setbacks during their journey, EHOME was able to learn and fight to improve. EHOME is no longer trapped in the past, but living in the present.

That's all for now, I will discuss about other Chinese teams 7L and cD in future posts.

I would like to thank Tiramisu, Pwned, Hope for all the great times we had.

The Adventure of You and the Treasure

One day, you reach the secret dark forest of a secret land, which some of you will probably never reach. You take out your sword and dash into a hole you found to retrieve treasure. In the hole you took out your sword and you began to thrust hard to the ground. Oh it is so hard to penetrate the ground.

As you continued to thrust, you began to find that you have reached the treasure. It is locked in a case. In order to break open the lock, you take out your gun, and you want to shoot it. But right before you shoot it, you realize one thing. The bullet might ricochet and damage you. Quickly, you kept your gun and ran out of the hole to get some armor for protection.

However, right when you are out of the hole, you find another hunter. You notice that this person has a much larger and thicker sword and is wearing armor. It is not a sword, it is more like a iron rod. He begins to swing his rod towards you. To protect yourself, you use you sword, and when both sword and rod touch, you feel an immense pressure.

However, as you were fighting, you noticed that the guy has a weakness. He has a hole in his armor at the back. Knowing that you cannot hold it anymore, you decide to change your strategy. You decided to backdoor the guy. Very swiftly, you pounced to his back and you took out your gun and BAM. Your bullet penetrated him from the back, right through his protection.
'Ahh..ahh..ouch...' He moaned.
'Wooo!!! In your face!' You yelled.

You have survived this swordfight, and beat the enemy. You took his protection, and wore it. It didn't matter that it was slimy, but you want it anyway. Quickly you left him, and used your remaining strength to get back into the hole, and you reloaded your gun, and shot the lock. BAM. Inside the treasure chest, you realize that there is a note.

The note says,
"Thou hast wasted time in thy quest for nothing, for I, the one that thou just slain was a mere distraction in thy mission. Knowst that true treasure is thy time. Thus the saying, treasure thy time."

Shocked and furious, you screamed. You took your sword and you broke it in half. The pain of all this, all for a note. You close your eyes, and you sit down in despair. You sat for some time, and as you open your eyes, you realize that what was in the note was indeed true. Cruel, but true. An important treasure has been recovered. One that is simple, yet not simple.

Slowly, you stood up. You realize that you have a shorter sword, an gun with blanks. But you have learnt that nothing can stop you to achieve your goals. All you need is to manage your timing, and that the next time you will just shoot and you will not miss. Slowly, you walked out of the hole. Perhaps one day, you will find another forest, with another hole, with another treasure. And this time, you will know to wear protection, and to shoot quickly.

Looking at the mirror

There are sometimes when I look at the mirror, and I think to myself 'Hey I am good looking', or 'Wow I look bad'.

But there are times when I will stare into my eyes. Just stare into those dark eyes. Many thoughts will breeze through my mind, but one that strikes me the most is how disappointed those eyes look.

My life has been filled with ups and downs. Each time I fall, I will come back up. And then I will fall again. There comes a point when I was so sick of falling down so hard, that I no longer bothered to get back up.

Yesterday I was struck so hard, that I just broke down. A friend of mine told me that I have this pattern of losing the fire within me, that I would start brightly but might not even finish. He told me that he was afraid that in the future, the same would happen to me for my studies, my job, my marriage, my life.

I was shocked instantly. What he said, I can imagine happening. I began to think about how I am living my life now, and the truth is that my fire is dying.

At the start of university I was so pumped up about proving my worth; at the start of SCP I was so excited about establishing my skills; at the start of camp I was so excited to showcase my skills as a Program Director. As of now I have skipped so many classes that I am behind in all my studies; I begun to feel that SCP was becoming a burden about 4 weeks back, and each class since then I no longer felt the passion that I had to make the classes great; after the second day of camp I was disappointed with the progress of many things that I began to just complain but no longer taking action.

I held myself together until I was alone with him before I cried. I could not believe how I have drifted apart. It got so bad that I would stay up so late with no purpose until 8am before I go to sleep till around 6pm. I no longer wanted to sleep and wake up because I felt that there was no purpose for me to do so.

But I do have purposes. I cried for a reason. I was upset, disappointed. How could someone with my potential just give up like this? I know that I can be great and to share so many things to the world.

I was hoping for a solution from my friend, but he said that he can't show me what to do, but that all I can do is to remember how I felt when I reflect back. All I can do is to know that there is a point of time when enough is enough.

Enough is enough.

I want to wake up with a purpose, a direction, a goal. Here is one that I will start to work for. My goal is to score High Distinction for my Business Law, Business Statistics and Management exams which are on the 16th, 21st and 23rd of this month.

I can tell you that it is very challenging. I have 3 months worth of work to revise, and more than 1 month's work I have not even seen before because of me skipping classes and lectures.

I can also tell you that if there is a time to change, this is it. All I ask for myself is to do my best and fight for what I know I am capable of.

Another thing that struck me is that my friend told me that he will still look at me as the same person with the same trust upon my abilities even after yesterday. But that one day, if I continue to go down and not back up, even he will have to leave me. I will not let that happen honestly because I don't want to lose him, but more because I know that I have what it takes to accomplish anything.

As I end this, I begin to wonder when I wake up tomorrow and look in the mirror, who will I look at? All I know is that I will see the eye of the tiger.

'Baby' by Justin Bieber

Dear Diary,

Today I caught myself singing along the song 'Baby' by Justine Barbie. I have to admit, the tune is catchy, the rhythm is catchy, the voice reminds me of Elton John when he was 5 and knew for sure he was gay after getting an erection from looking at his dad. Yes, Justine sounds like 5 year old gay Elton.

But honestly why do so many of us make fun of Justin Bieber? He is a kid doing his best to perform, perhaps we should give him some credit. No one should judge a person. So what if Justin take estrogen pills? That doesn't mean he doesn't have balls for trying! Oh wait.

Wow, I didn't realize how hard it is to defend you Justine.

That reminds me, this season of American Idol is proving to be very close to the lives of Americans. The top three is a handsome farmer/bartender, a soccer mum, a David Cook wannabe.

Not saying they aren't good, but don't you just miss the years when we had David Archuleta/David Cook, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Jordin Sparks/the dude that was the runner up. Just saying, big gap.

As for assignments wise, I have a 2000+ words Management essay and a Stats quiz to complete by tomorrow.

I guess 'Baby, Baby, Baby, No' can keep me awake until the morning.

Love,

Cal Vin